"Strong Independent Woman"

I'm a strong independent woman. Something that many people have told me and I know wholeheartedly. But I realized something about this phrase yesterday. During my Senior year of High School, I had a boy that I really liked. I still like him. He knows and we're still good friends. But yesterday we were playing a card game with some other friends, Nerts if you know how that goes, and he said, "You don't need to wait for him to play a card. You're a strong independent woman." A realization hit me like a ton of bricks when I got home and was thinking about it that night. 

I am strong, physically and emotionally. I am independent, I don't need people to complete my life or tell me what to do. I am woman, hear me roar. But more than that, I feel like this friend/crush was telling me something about our relationship. 

A little background first. We are both members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In the next year or so, he will be going on a Church mission to spread our religion. While I want a relationship to progress, I don't want to distract him from this calling. Even if he likes me, we both know it will be short lived.

Continuing on, this friend/crush has called me a strong independent woman before. This is not a first time thing. I realized that it's his way of friend-zoning me. Obviously we both still want to be friends, but more just isn't practical. With this simple phrase, he's telling me that I don't need him to complete my life. In a way, it's almost like he's encouraging me not to hunt for a guy, but let the guy hunt me. And honestly, I'm about 95% okay with this. The other 5% comes from me being a hopeless romantic and so I want a relationship. 

Anyway, that's is for today. Continue being strong independent people!

E.K out!

Fake

We live in a fake world.
Behind fake smiles and
"I'm doing good."
We play a game daily.
It's called,
"How long can I hide emotions?"
But I'm tired of hiding.
I'm tired of telling people,
"I'm doing ok."
Because it's a lie.
I want to say,
"I'm not good.
I'm not even okay."
I'm anxious and depressed.
The LGBT community is supressed.
My best friend can't be a girl,
Because she was born a boy.
My brother is disabled
By no fault of anyone.
I can't pay for school
Because it's college.
I'm lost in a big world.
I'm tired of pretending.
I don't want to grow up,
But that'd only be an ending.
How much longer must we hide?
Behind our fake smiles
There is hurt.
But don't show it!
If you show it you've lost.
Go straight to jail.
Do not pass go.
Do not collet $200.
We live in a fake world.
A world of game pieces
And dice.
But we are not rolling
For our fate.
And the winner
Takes it all.